Saturday, October 20, 2012

Great Materteral Axioms

Once again, the ladies of the family gathered for lunch with the most dear Great Aunts  - Aunt Pen and  Aunt June  (may be their real names or not - my secret) - but definitely they are the Greats.  The Greats are utterly adored, advanced in age, active, and as this entry will posit - succinctly wise.

First a bit of background.

In general, the Greats have enviable, ramrod straight posture and are robust, yet thin.  I aspire to their posture...

Aunt Pen, was a history professor, has been rabid about Mick Jagger probably since his first pout and swagger, and just got back from Istanbul.

Aunt June, still bombs about in her bee yellow Volkswagen, is multilingual and teaches language classes, and has outlived three husbands.

They banter about this last fact frequently:

"You tired them out, June,"  Pen will say.

"They could not keep up with me," June will toss right back.

The notion of keeping up is an interesting one as applied to the Greats.  They swing with modern times. For example, both have Iphones and use them "when the time and place is appropriate." Yet both have commented that "an education today relies on one's thumb dexterity or the pressing of buttons."

The Greats remind one of Jessica Tandy both a bit in looks but mostly in enunciation.

We arrived at the designated lunch spot and I headed straight for the Ladies to pull back my hair.  I met my cousin there who was doing the same thing.  The Greats have stated often enough:

  • "A woman's hair should be bobbed, styled, or pulled back."

My cousin and I did not want to hear this again as applied to ourselves.

First messy version of Wen's hair in the Ladies
before others came in and we felt we ought to
stop taking photos...

Despite this, the Greats waxed unpoetically at lunch about the hair trend of "two pieces of string".  They feel this "dates a woman" because "it has been around since the 1960s!"   They both still read "Vogue" and quipped about Aerin Lauder's two pieces of string in the new perfume ads.

Sometimes there are no words - basically because the Greats have said it all.  I have collected a few of their axioms here.

  • "Fleece is the unfortunate person's wool."

  • "People who sleep late miss a lot."

  • "Only apply lipstick on the bottom lip then smudge it on the top.  Most of us are not artists and do not need to look ridiculous."

  • "Always sleep with a window open."

  • "Wash your face only with cold water."

  • "Think what you want but always be openly nice to everyone.  That's how I got to meet Tony Blair."

  • "People who do not like dogs cannot be trusted." - I agree.

  • "If you have too much, you only want more."

  • "For a light lunch try a peanut butter sandwich and a whisky." 

Our particular lunch ended with a pontification on how too much is shared today.

  • "People should keep their secrets.  It makes them mysterious and therefore more interesting."


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