"Your bar sinks and TVs are so nice."

On Sunday I picked up Great Aunt Pen and Great Aunt June in my utilitarian wagon to a bring them to a bridal shower.  The event was for the fiancee of a second cousin.  As these things go now, literally hundreds of people were invited.  It was hosted at the home of one of the bride-to-be sister's.

As we pulled into the driveway, the three car garage was open so the vehicles, all facing forward, were on display: a BMW sedan, a BMW SUV, and a Honda van.  To my Greats delicious delight we were later told that these were, "his, hers, and for family fun!"

Before we got out of the car, Aunt June said, "Oh, oh.  These people are probably those thirty-something-have-everythings."

Not being familiar with this term I asked what it meant. "You will see," Aunt June said knowingly.  Meanwhile Aunt Pen was commenting unfavorably on the plastic fence that surrounded the back yard.

Once inside, I must admit that the hostess was in her thirties and that she did indeed have everything.  Although the decor looked like a Pottery Barn consultant had visited there was absolutely every single amenity. 

Despite my aunts, initial comments I found a few things to be strange or unathentic:

1.  Everything looked new.  There was nothing that had the patina of family or history. It was like being in a decorator show room.

2.  Even though there were bookshelves in the family room, there were no books.  Most of these shelves were piled with DVDs  - many of them for kids.

3.  Despite the availability of these DVDs  and an abundance of toys in a playroom that we were shown, the children of the house kept interrupting the shower at the top of their lungs to announce that they were bored.  Don't think that this is a good sign.

4.  The hostess was walking around barefoot and kept telling us that her housekeeper did this and that and that she did not have to lift a finger.

5.  We were served drinks in plastic glasses that had that had "Ian and Emily" on them with the family emblem they had desiged themselves.

 
The house plan was open - meaning that the kitchen and family room were joined together and that the latter opened out to a patio and pool that was perfectly landscaped.  The patio had an outdoor fireplace with a chimney and a big, intimidating stainless steel grille that was the size of my car.

What the Greats found remarkable, and I must admit that I concur,  was the number of bar sinks and flat screen TVs.  Are these supposed to come in pairs?  Because there was a set in the kitchen, then a few feet away in the family room, then out on the patio.

"Your bar sinks and TVs are so nice," Aunt Pen remarked to the hostess in that tone that if you know her, is not meant to be sincere.

On the way home the Greats speculated how many bar sinks and flat screen TVs there were upstairs - which we did not see.



 

Oxford English Dictionary

Quite elated!  I was browsing my library's online catalog recently and noticed that they had purchased a subscription to the Oxford English Dictionary.

I thought that I could use it instantaneously but no.  Had to call the helpful reference librarian to obtain the secret passwords.  Besides being so nice, this gentleman shared that I was the first one to inquire. 

 "Use in good health for excellent words," he said before he hung up.  He could not have stated it any better.  A delightful man.

 

Bachelor Father: Hysterical Date Lines

There are certain days when I get to work at home.  This is great because I recently made a tremendous and addicting discovery:  Bachelor Father!

This television show from the late 1950s is on Antenna TV at noon.  One golden day, I was making my lunch and turned on the TV.  There Bachelor Father (fondly referred to as BF for the remainder of this entry) was in all its undisputed innocence and glory.

The show stars John Forsythe.  I remember him only as the voice of Charlie from the Charlie's Angels repeats.  In BF, he plays the handsome and constantly dating, Beverly Hills living, lawyer Bentley Gregg. 

The premise of the show is that Bentley's relative  - not sure if it was his brother or his sister - and spouse died tragically in a car accident.  As a result, his teen niece, Kelly, has come to live with him.

One ponders:

• Why no one is upset or remembers the deceased relatives - especially teen Kelly.  I suppose that would have simply ruined the premise of the show.

• Kelly's front teeth.  One does not want to be cruel, but one is often distracted by the left front tooth that appears to be snaggled.  Not sure why. Perhaps it is the black and white.

Then there is Peter.  He manages the household and is a wizened gem.  He tells it like it is and often saves the day.

Bentley goes on many, many dates with of steady stream of apparently everyday 1950s glamorous women - the likes of which are never seen anymore.  I believe that they are extinct.

Women like this no longer walk the earth.
Perhaps the foundation garments required for these dresses had something to do with it.

 

Now for the hysterical date lines - this is why I love the show.   Bentley has uttered:
(updated as new lines are discovered)

• "Now that you are here, I can start breathing again."

• "The candlelight on your face gives the room the aura of a cathedral."

• "Your loveliness reminds me of  the sun setting."

• "Not even the stars can match the sparkle in your eyes tonight."

• It doesn't seem possible that someone as lovely as you could have a legal mind."  (Yikes!  Said to a female lawyer - it was the 1950s...)

I can't top any of the above so just have to stop typing.


 

Bad Habit: "My Stuff"

I have the bad habit of reading those interviews in magazines where some celebrity divulges what personal items they use or have. This feature is often called My Stuff or My Favorite Things.

Horrors, Great Aunts Pen and June would literally give birth to cows over the thought of sharing this information publicly.

Anyway, the list typically runs something like the following with these popular brands:

• Fragrance (Women):  Fracas De Robert Piguet -  Several celebrities have stated, "I was given it on my 18th birthday."

 

• Fragrance (Men):  Women - Really?  Please keep that to yourself.

• Lingerie:  La Perla

• Journal:  Smythson - almost always

• Stationery:  Mrs. John L. Strong

• Linens:  Frette - for some reason almost every celebrity sleeps on these sheets

• Watch:  Cartier Tank with Patek Philippe Twenty-4 as second.  This last one can "wear with a suit or at the pool!"

• Luggage:  Louis Vuitton with runner up T. Anthony

 Why do so many celebrities have the same things?  Is it because they all want to appear important and popular?  Or does the same PR person provide this information?  Sharing it is just vulgar - yet it feeds my bad habit of reading.  I have no excuse except to make fun.

Like my Greats, I would never think to share this information publicly - except for the following:

Favorite Summer Fragrance:

Ticks being the operative word here -
We are already inundated.

 

Finally Educated!

Last night I volunteered at a local college for their Munchie Mania night.  This is an event during finals week that is designated to relieve stress.

What a blast!  I cannot remember the last night that I got home after midnight with my ears ringing from loud music.

Potential hearing loss aside, I was assigned to serve ice cream at the sundae station.   If I lifted weights, there would be no need  to do so today since my arm muscles are now fully developed after scooping frozen ice cream for hours.

I thought this job an exulted one since the president of the college was behind a fry-o-later serving up chicken fingers and getting pitted with grease.

The night served to educate me.  Most appropriate since I was on a college campus.  Here is what I learned:

1.  The Wobble

My only experiences in line dancing had been the electric slide or chicken dance.  Dare I also mention the Hokey Pokey?  But that was in grammar school.

Anyway, I learned this dance last night. 

 

2.  Deep Fried Macaroni and Cheese

How could I not have heard about this delicacy?
Why is it not in my cookbooks?
Now under consideration for my next open house!

 

Club of Old Volumes

It is fun to skulk around bookshops, houses, museums, and, yes, even restaurants or hotels that want to appear scholarly to see what books are on the shelves.    In my opinion, these places all belong to the mythical Club of Old Volumes - a play on words of that more oddly famous club.

Anyway, I love these old titles.

Boys Having Fun!

Polly certainly got around



Did the Starrs ever run into Polly since these
books are by the same author?

Today this would be called
"Tom, The Smart Phone Boy"

Go Helen!

 

Horatio Alger

 

 

Who knew that Ginger Rogers, Jane Withers, John Payne
and other old movie stars were also detectives!

Who is Black Velvet?

Well the snow is melting here and Puppy Weston and I are able to do the two miler safely again.  Lovely to walk but what a mess.  It saddens and amazes me what people throw out on the side of the road.  So this is the time of year where I start to pick it up - otherwise seeing it just spoils my walk.

For however many years I have been doing this walk around town, someone has been tossing Black Velvet Whiskey nip bottles out on the side of the road.

There are all sorts of bottles out but these are by far the most prevalent.

Thus, my lingering question:  Who is Black Velvet?

I have an image of a  gnarled, sunburned man with a crew cut in a beat up old pick up truck. Mr. Weston, who likes to be my devil's advocate, said it could be the lady who drives around town in the fancy car and who has the French nails.

I've asked at our local package store, and although they will not name names, they told me that these bottles only cost 72 cents.

Here is what I know about Black Velvet.  He/she imbibes year round.  Bottles are to be found always - daily.  There have been a few times when there have been no bottles and I have actually been worried that Black Velvet may have passed.

Black Velvet drinks two nips at a time.  Bottles are always tossed in pairs.

 

I'm not an archaeologist but these look like a recent toss...

 

Whereas these look like they have been there all winter.

 

Black Velvet has always stuck to the plain version of the brand but this year has branched out to the Toasted Caramel!

 

Now here is the hilarious part. Since I pick up the bottles and put them in our recycle bin,  I'm sure that the kind rubbish men who give Puppy Weston extra treats every Thursday only do so because they think that I am Black Velvet.

 

Despite Black Velvet we pass one of the cemeteries in town.  It is sad to see all the winter torn flags. 

Now that we can venture in again, it is always nice to fix as best as one can flags honoring  family and friends. 

 

One can pry the top staple out with a key and tack the flag back in. This will just have to do until the VFW replaces the flags on Memorial Day.